It's Official

CCAA Status

Reviewed through: October 31, 2006

Placed through: January 9, 2006

Well, we already knew this to be true but now it is official. Last week was hands down the hardest week of the wait, one of the hardest of our lives. We had a few really rough days were we would fluctuate between sadness and anger. I don't think I have cried that much since we were going through unsuccessful fertility treatments. This lasted until Wednesday when the fog started to lift and we began to accept that we missed this month by one day. We began to think of all the reasons why it was "GOOD" (yeah right) that we missed it by one day. More time to save money, More time to buy a second car, more time to finish the kitchen remodel Blgh, Blgh, Blgh..... all things we would have found the time to do even if we would have received our referral this month but we were rationalizing why it was OK... We had so many friends and family send us messages of support and love that it carried us through this very difficult time. We want to thank each and everyone of you for supporting us. One message in particular I want to say Thank you for came from Monica. Thank you Monica for sending me a Private message with your daughters story. Monica is a fellow adoptive mother from our agency Yahoo group. She also missed the cutoff by one day when she was waiting for her daughter. She offered me insight that I will be forever grateful for. In a nut shell she made me realize that this wait as horrible as it has been for us it has been for a reason that has not yet been made clear to us. We know that when Sophia is in our arms the pain of the wait will fade and we will know why we waited. We realize that why this is our greatest joy this is someone else greatest loss. We realize that even though we can't wait to see Sophia's referral that it might mean that she is experiencing her second biggest trauma in her little life, being taken from her foster home and brought back to the orphanage. Our hearts ache to know her, to love her and to have the wait be over, but they also ache for her and what she must be going through right now. Monica helped me to realize that this wait is not just about us and what we want but about Sophia and what she needs. We are here at the end of our wait. We are on the eve of the biggest joy in our lives, but somehow I am sad, sad for my daughter and what she has been through, for her birth mother and the choice she had to make and for all those people waiting for their children in line behind us. We hope that this month passes quickly and that we will soon know our daughter and we pray that god will watch over Sophia as she makes her way to us an to give us the strength as we make our way to her......